Saturday, January 22, 2011

I greeted 2011...

with a heart heavy in  sadness. No blogging for months  really. I have not had much to say as I have been at a loss for words, a loss for joy, a loss for all things that used to lift my spirits and make me happy. 

The pain  will metamorphasize from being constant and all consuming --  to lying in wait  making itself known  when laying eyes upon  certain photographs, particular books, or the landscape of the sea - for all those things will forever remind me of you. 
I need  to get back to my life - to find happines in the things I once enjoyed.  To realize that although there is now an even bigger whole in my life, in my heart  - I still have life to live with people that I love and who love me back.  And that finding things to laugh and smile about  again - is what you would want for me.

I love you both so much. You made me who I am.
at

16 comments:

  1. sukipoetJanuary 22, 2011 at 8:01 AM

    Im so sorry for what happened. Not sure if both your parents died? It sounds like you have been through a heart=breaking time. Sending hugs and blessings, sukifin

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mary Welsh HubbardJanuary 22, 2011 at 8:07 AM

    Sorry for your loss. Hope you start to feel better soon. x Mary

    ReplyDelete
  3. sea-blue-sky & abstractsJanuary 22, 2011 at 9:30 AM

    Still thinking of you over here Cathie, especially after reading this poignant post - and the 'What is Life' encapsulation by Crowfoot - yes, that is exactly what they would want for you. x

    ReplyDelete
  4. Carol- Beads and BirdsJanuary 22, 2011 at 10:06 AM

    As you know, there is a greiving process. I learned it all too well. Once when my mother passed and I had the opportunity to adjust and say good bye and I was at peace when she passed.

    Then 5 years later when my father left us. I had no opportunity to speak what was in my heart and for me to know that he understood. It was a looong process that I have not even recovered this 25 years later. O, I feel better, but I still see him walking toward me, only to realize that I saw him in another's face. I miss him still, but the pain is very dull.

    Remember them and talk of them and cry when you need to. The hole will always be there, but it does get smaller because you will let others fill in the void.
    xx, Carol

    ReplyDelete
  5. Joei Rhode IslandJanuary 22, 2011 at 4:16 PM

    Thinking gentle thoughts for you to start anew.

    ReplyDelete
  6. ~BabsJanuary 22, 2011 at 10:19 PM

    Cathie, I am so very sorry.

    Peace:
    'Unexplained inner quietness in the midst of an intense struggle'

    Peace "that passeth all understanding" is my prayer for you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. The Idaho BeautyJanuary 23, 2011 at 1:37 AM

    It is hard. It will be hard for a long time. It should be - our grief should match the depth to which our love reached and not be over in a trifle. In time the memories will be less painful, more joyous. The landmines that unleash the carefully controlled emotions will become less frequent. You won't forget, but yes, for them who would expect it of you, you will carry on and find life again. Be kind to yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  8. UnknownJanuary 23, 2011 at 11:42 AM

    Dear Cathie... I cannot imagine your loss... My condolences to you and your family, with hopeful thoughts that you'll find solace in the new and now. Do take care,

    Michele

    ReplyDelete
  9. Jeanne Turner McBrayerJanuary 23, 2011 at 4:33 PM

    So sorry to hesr you have been suffering. Sending hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Kristin DudishJanuary 24, 2011 at 11:23 AM

    Wishing you peace, love and a pathway to healing and joy in 2011.

    ReplyDelete
  11. LOVE STITCHING REDJanuary 26, 2011 at 8:22 AM

    Dearest bezzy, you KNOW you are in my constant thoughts and I will do all I can to help you smile again.
    Love and hugs across a small pond xx

    ReplyDelete
  12. KatiejaneJanuary 27, 2011 at 2:08 PM

    Cathie, I'm not sure what happened to you. I noticed that you had been absent for a long time. I assume that you have suffered a severe loss and my heart goes out to you. Trust me, it will take a very long time to recover, but know that my thoughts are with you.

    ReplyDelete
  13. DeborahJanuary 27, 2011 at 3:01 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. I know it is hard.

    ReplyDelete
  14. LOVE STITCHING REDFebruary 6, 2011 at 12:15 PM

    Adore that autumn leafy banner dear bezzy
    x

    ReplyDelete
  15. sim only plansFebruary 9, 2011 at 8:30 AM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  16. AnonymousFebruary 10, 2011 at 1:57 PM

    Cathie, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I just wanted to say thank you for stopping by and for sharing your intentions. That will indeed be a precious and marvellous quilt, and the making of it will in itself bring peace and healing. Needle and thread are such powerful tools. Stitch happy memories x

    ReplyDelete

“Invisible threads are the strongest ties.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche